Adventures in Housesitting
by Drdiagnostic
Summary: This is from season five. Cuddy said she couldn't count on House but what happens when in one moment she has to?


**_As always all characters and entities belong to David Shore, NBC Universal and FOX. This story is for sole entertainment purposes only. _**

House found himself sitting in the condo pondering Cuddy's relationship with Lucas. He couldn't fathom how someone as intelligent as she is wound up with such an adolescent idiot.

Wilson, sensing his friend's inner thinking, says, "Give her time, House. You said yourself that she isn't going to see a change in you in a weekend. I think eventually she'll come to her senses and realize what an ass he is."

"If she didn't realize it at the table, I doubt she's going to realize it at all. You'd have to be blind not to see that he's a rambling idiot. I think Rachel is smarter than he is. Only thing he and Rachel have in common other than Cuddy is that they both suck." House remarks.

Wilson gives a small laugh. Just then there's a knock at the door. House gets up to answer it. And much to his surprise, Cuddy is standing there holding Rachel.

Frazzled, Cuddy says, "I need your help."

"What's the matter….you and Lucas need dirt to spew around on Wilson's cross dressing phase? Sorry but my lips are sealed no matter what that hooker told you." House quips.

"Okay, I deserved that. But I really do need your help. Lucas and I have dinner plans and my sitter called in sick at the last minute. You offered to babysit once. I was hoping I could still take you up on your offer." She says.

"Interesting…..you can't count on me for anything and yet you're here asking me for help. Isn't that kind of oxymoronic….with emphasis on the 'moron' part." He remarks.

"So…what….your offer was just to get into my pants?" She snaps.

"Seems Lucas was already successful at that. Guess he's better than I am in that department. Difference is…I 'm not shady about it. I'll just tell you I want to have sex with you." He retorts.

"Fine….I'll think of something else." She says irritated.

She's just ready to leave when House tells her, "I'm sorry. Give her to me. I'll take her. Know you need time with your boy toy."

She hands Rachel off to him along with a baby bag and says, " I just fed her, but she might be hungry again in an hour or so. She also may need a major diaper change soon. I fed her some baby food."

House rolls his eyes and flatly says, "Joy."

Softly Cuddy says, 'Thank you House. I do appreciate it."

"Yeah well, remember you owe me." He says.

Cuddy gives him a soft smile and leaves. House closes the door.

He turns to Wilson and says, "So what do you do with a baby?"

Wilson waves his hands in front of him and says, "Oh no…I'm not getting in the middle of this...this is _your_ opportunity to prove she can count on you. You need to do this yourself. And to help you, I'm leaving."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa….wait a minute. I don't know what to do with her." House says slightly panicked.

Wilson smiles and remarks as he puts his coat on, "You're a genius, remember. I'm sure you can figure it out. Just consider her one of your puzzles."

"Difference between her and my puzzles….I can save a patient. I might _kill_ her."

Wilson laughs, opens the door, turns to his friend and says, "Now _that_ wouldn't help you win Cuddy. It would only prove her point." Wilson grabs his keys and says with a grin, "Good luck, House."

As Wilson closes the door, House yells, "Traitor!"

House stands there looking at Rachel a minute and says to her, "Guess it's just you and me kid."

Rachel makes a little cooing sound.

"Yeah, that's what I say." He goes over the couch and sits with her a minute.

Looking at her he says, "What does your mom see in that loser? I mean…I know I'm not perfect and a little unhinged…well …a lot unhinged….but at least I'm _way _more interesting….and much better looking."

Rachel smiles at him. Looking at her, he smiles back. Then says to her, "Don't tell anyone this, because it might ruin my reputation, but I think you're kind of cute. I could teach you a lot of stuff…..how to lie…..how to tell when someone's lying….how to spot a moron….how to manipulate your mom….some colorful curse words…though I'm not sure your mom would like that. We'll just call that our little secret. I could tell you all about monster trucks and _good _music. Not about that crap that's on the radio today either. Real music like blues and jazz. And I could give you great tips on how to screw with Uncle Wilson…..like how to borrow money from him and pretending not to have enough to pay him back at the moment. He loves it when you do that. Your mother's ass face boyfriend can't teach you all about this cool stuff."

Realizing that he cursed in front of her he says, "Sorry…don't say that word. It's bad…unless of course you're talking about your mom's. Then, it's considered part of the normal vocabulary."

Rachel giggles and touches his beard with her little hand. She then puts her other hand up, stroking both sides of his beard.

House smiles and says, "You like the feel of that, huh? When you get older, you'll realize that this is what a real man feels like. Not like Lucas's girly face."

Rachel giggles again. Just then House is hit with a toxic smell worse than garbage.

Rolling his eyes he mutters, "Oh God…..guess talking about Lucas would bring that out of me too. Damn kid! What did you eat? Smells like the bathroom after Wilson and I eat Mexican….only worse. Come on…." He gets up. "Guess I have to go in. Think I'd rather be performing an autopsy on a whale in a sewage treatment plant." He picks her up and takes her into the bathroom.

A little while later, House has on one of the music videos Cuddy gave him for Rachel. Sitting there appalled he says, "Your mother makes you watch this crap? This isn't music. This is the beginning of years of therapy. It's like being on a bad LSD trip."

Looking down at Rachel he says, "Yet another reason _not_ to do drugs. How about we listen to real music?"

He shuts off the video and puts Rachel in her little seat that Cuddy left for her. Next, he grabs his acoustic guitar which is propped up against the side of the couch, sits on the floor in front of Rachel and begins to strum. He stops a second and holds Rachel's hands showing her how to clap to the beat. Delighted, she starts clapping, but it's not actually on the beat.

House looks at her and says, "Close enough." He then starts strumming and begins to sing "Old MacDonald." Rachel starts getting into it and laughing as House imitates the different animal noises as he sings. She claps away not exactly on the beat, but just enjoying the moment.

House takes a big slow down to the finish singing…."E-I-E-I-O". He stops.

Rachel screams in delight, "Gain!"

House laughs, "You liked that did you? How about we take it down a bit?"

He starts to strum again and begins singing "Hush Little Baby." Rachel smiles at him and as he continues, she begins to fight the urge to close her eyes. As he finishes the song, he looks over and notices that Rachel is asleep.

He then softly says, "That's _real _music."

A little while later, there is a knock at the door. On the sound of the knock Rachel stirs a bit. House opens the door and Cuddy and Lucas are standing there. House lets them in.

House then jokes to Lucas, "What's the matter? Not relegated to the confines of the car anymore?"

Lucas snaps back, "No….just to the confines of her bed."

Cuddy shoots Lucas a look. She then asks House, "How was she?"

"Good. But just so you know, those videos you left were crap. Yet, some evil genius is making a fortune from them. Thankfully, I introduced Rachel to real music." House says.

Cuddy goes over to Rachel who has just awakened upon hearing her mother's voice.

Picking her up she says, "Hi, baby!" Rachel gives her mother a big smile and a big hug.

Cuddy turns to House and says, "I can't thank you enough for doing this, House. I really appreciate it."

"No problem. At least now you know you can count on me for something." He says sarcastically.

Cuddy begins to hand Rachel over to Lucas saying, "Here will you take her a minute while I get her bag and chair." She hands Rachel off to him, but then Rachel begins to cry.

"Rachel…it's okay. Momma's here. I'm not going anywhere." Cuddy says trying to soothe her.

Lucas begins to get frustrated, because Rachel starts squirming and is in hysterics.

He yells at her, "Hey, cool it. Stop crying will ya. Your mom's not going anywhere!"

Cuddy turns to Lucas and sternly says, "Hey, don't yell at her. That's only going to make it worse."

House is observing all this closely. As he does, Rachel suddenly begins to reach her arms out to House with all her might. Cuddy sees her and watches Rachel intently.

Seeing Lucas is getting uncomfortable with Rachel, House says, "She must smell the stench of annoyance on you."

Lucas says, "I can handle her."

"Yes, I can clearly see you are in _total_ control." House quips

Rachel fuses even more and continues to struggle trying to get out of Lucas's grasp as she reaches for House.

Getting frustrated Lucas tells Rachel, 'Come on, quit squirming."

Cuddy watching Rachel closely says to Lucas," Give her to House for a minute while I finish packing her things."

With hesitation, Lucas hands Rachel to House. Immediately, Rachel stops crying. She rests her head on House chest and places her thumb in her mouth in between small little gasps as she calms herself in his arms.

House stands there speechless for a minute looking down at Rachel content in his arms. He finds himself unconsciously patting her back gently. Cuddy stands there touched and amazed at the site.

Sensing the awkwardness of the situation House tries breaking the tension by saying to Cuddy, "Probably smells Wilson's girly cologne. He spilled it on this shirt last night. Must remind her of you."

Cuddy smiles and takes Rachel from House's arms.

She then looks at House and softly says, "You should stop by sometime, since it looks like Rachel found a new friend."

"You sure that's all she thinks of me as?" House questions.

Lucas uncomfortable with the moment says, "You know, Lisa, we should be going. I think Rachel's getting tired. Probably why she's cranky."

With a soft smile Cuddy says, "Goodnight, House."

"Night Cuddy." Then looking at Rachel, House reaches out, strokes the top of her head and says, "Night shorty….make sure you keep mom up really late so she doesn't see what she's putting on in the morning. Maybe she'll forget her bra."

Cuddy laughs while Lucas looks annoyed. As Cuddy and Lucas head out the door, Cuddy turns back once more to gaze into House's eyes and he returns her gaze.

As Lucas and Cuddy are driving home in his car, Cuddy says to Lucas, "I was wrong."

Lucas briefly turns to Cuddy as he's driving and asks, "About what?'

Lost in thought she answers, "All this time I thought I couldn't count on him. I misjudged him and was so blinded that I couldn't see he changed….until now."

Not liking the way the conversation is going Lucas says, "Lisa, come on. You can't think he changed after one babysitting night. You said yourself you need a five day forecast for him. Nobody changes….especially not him."

"You're right. People don't change and he didn't. " She pauses a minute and then says, "He grew."

Nervous Lucas says, "Well, what are you trying to say, Lisa? You saying you want to be with him?"

With a soft smile and a glimmer in her eyes she turns to him and says, "Yeah…I guess I am."

Then from the backseat we hear Rachel clap and say, "Yay!"

The End


End file.
